Sunday, February 27, 2011

Sharing My I Don't Knowamony

I’m talking with a neighbor about forming a little book club to read some Mormon history articles. They are here at http://www.juvenileinstructor.org/essential-articles-in-mormon-history/. I don’t know him well but I thought he might have interest. He is well informed and engaged in the ideas he presents in church. He responded positively but took a moment to let me know where he stands with the church. He is a content happy Mormon with no interest in upsetting the apple cart. He basically said that he was ok with the getting together if I could accept that he is what he is, a solid dutiful believing Mormon. Yeah, I’m ok with that. I don’t have definitive answers but I do like to discuss ideas and I love Mormon history. And I don't need others to share my semi dis-functional approach to the church.

Here is what I wrote him back.

Thanks for letting me know where you stand. Here’s where I am Mormon wise. I am drawn to Mormon history because it is my story and my family’s story. It’s why I am here at this time and place. I grew up in an active family, enjoyed church and community, and served a happy successful mission. But that was a long ago and my strict belief default has given way to considering the church’s truth claims on the merits. Teachings and practices must make sense for acceptance. I have struggled with Mormonism for many years and regularly consider checking out but I return week after week. I guess I get enough needs met that it compensates for frustration.

I do often feel that my presence at church is a distraction to others and I wonder if I should be quiet or stay home, but I think/hope people see me as a sincere if eccentric member and take a charitable approach to my quirky participation. And there have been many comments from the brethren about welcoming all people. I suppose that includes me. I do disagree with the brethren about some things I feel my integrity requires that I deal with it, but I try do so honestly and appropriately.

While I don’t have any sort of conventional testimony neither do I know that Mormonism isn’t true. In fact, I’m not sure of what is true and what isn’t or if I am even interested in seeing the world in those terms. I mostly search for meaning and leave truth alone. I know I must sound like one who is ever searching for the truth but never able to find it, but I’m ok with that. In fact, one of the things that drives me batty in the church is the absence of and disdain for uncertainty. I mistrust people and institutions that claim to know all. I am moved by declarations of not knowing more than knowing. I think it’s harder and perhaps better for people to realize what they don’t know . As you can imagine, that makes Mormonism a challenge.

Having said all that, I am a reasonable person who enjoys exchanging ideas with a broad range of believers and non-believers and am pretty agenda free. I think getting together to read the articles will be worth the effort.

Sanford

11 comments:

Miss Kendra said...

Wow. Two posts in two weeks. I am shocked.

Mormon Heretic said...

I decided to check today for some reason--it must have been the Spirit! Forming a book club??? Hmmm, sounds interesting, but that list is waayyyy too long.

Sanford said...

MH, yeah, it's a lot of reading but probably not as much as last time. I mean come on, Great Basin Kingdom and Nauvoo a Place of Peace. Those were big ole books to get through a month at a time. I am thinking about breaking the list into 8 or 9 months worth. So something like 4 or 5 articles a month. Is that too much?

Sanford said...

Oh Miss Kendra, just you wait and see. I'm just getting warmed up. I am tanned, rested and ready. You should take a 2 year break from blogging and see how it awakens you.

Angie said...

How do one apply for entrance into this book club? I would actually just like to be a fly on the wall to listen to your opinions.
I too realized (during my disaffection with Mormonism), that it's impossible to have all of the answers. And why would a loving God (if He, in fact, is a loving God-I mean a global flood to wipe out the meanies? hmmm...)give all answers to only a select few. I also realized that I'm totally ok with not having all answers anymore. That was very liberating for me in this crazy journey.

jupee said...

Could you elaborate on what you mean when you write "I mostly search for meaning and leave truth alone?"

pb said...

Have you ever considered searching for truth and meaning outside of the mormon church? Is there really any point to discussing questions of truth and meaning with people who are unwilling to upset the apple cart?

Mormon Heretic said...

Sounds Interesting Sanford. I'm sure I could manage a list like that. Angie, no need to be a fly on the wall if you live nearby. We all have opinions, whether their right or wrong, they're generally interesting.

Anonymous said...

Have "we" stopped blogging again? Or maybe you're just cogitating a sagacious response to con-furnce. So much material. I'm glad they said something about how long you make your poor kids wear their Sunday clothes!

LegalBob said...

Uncle Sanford, anxiously awaiting your next post. As the Judge Boulden used to say to you in bankruptcy court, you may proceed.

Alicia said...

Sanford,

It doesn't look like you've blogged here recently, but I hope you see this comment...and I hope you remember an old friend from college. It's great to know you're alive and still kicking, and I see, at least as of 2011, you are still the holder of stimulating opinions. I remember having some great discussions back in the day.

I have also had my ups and downs and ins and outs with my feelings towards the Church and Church history. We should discuss sometime. Do you maintain a current blog?

Alicia (Goodwin) Garcia